Helping Children Understand Difference between good and bad
Pampered Child: When to Say “No” to your Child
Even before a child is born, the parents are too eager to shower their love and care on the arriving guest. With the newborn in the family, a whole set of transitions takes place. It can be better described as one of the important phases in the lifecycle of a human being. The father and the mother, together they have to provide the child with all they can.
As the baby grows, it starts demanding. Children are very intelligent and respond quickly. They learn easily and when it is time to twist then know which way to do it.
A child hardly understands the difference between wants, desires and needs. He might ask for Santa Claus, the cycle the kid in the neighbourhood has, new toys and what not. Mrs. Priya says that her youngest kid wants all that the elder ones get and she has a hard time negotiating with the kid. That is one point where some children get spoilt as their parents fail to realize what is needed by the child.
When To Say No?
“Believe me, it is so awful and strange as my daughter begins to sob, when I say ‘No’ and she does not understand,” says Amrita. “I am myself confused at times as whether her demand is really needed or not.”
A child enjoys pampering the most. The baby just feels like giving orders, which should be obeyed and fulfilled by the subjects. Parents also like to pamper their children, but limits have to be drawn. A pampered child might get used to wishes and whims that are easily fulfilled by the parents and other family members.
‘Negotiate and negotiate hard’, that is the best advice you can have on parenting. The child must, even if it appears unacceptable to the child, learn to ask only those things which parents do allow. If the parent says no, then no it means. After negotiations, if the child continues to insist then the parent has to say no and close the chapter as soon as possible. Even a little leniency can make the child feel that it is possible provided he or she keeps insisting. It becomes a habit and then starts affecting the behaviour.
One parent who has written to us from Pune says that she often negotiates by providing alternates. The child asks for a mobile phone and we settle on comic books. That way the child also gets something worth to have and the parent also manages to grant the wish of the child.